you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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