So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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