You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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