everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
