Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?