I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am