Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love you. Go after that dick