in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.