That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.