Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
