The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
