Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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