I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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