True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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