I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
