While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
