I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
