Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
