peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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