I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
