remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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