Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
