My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
