Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
