I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
