i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
