God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
