the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
