There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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