Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
