I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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