I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
