took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
