i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
