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• (248): View more from Michigan

  You up for the gym tonight after work?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Chris Brown style, or less felonious?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Haha, all felonious.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?

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• (941): View more from Florida

  its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Are you in a cab?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple

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• (718): View more from New York

  According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.

  (347): View more from New York

  It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.

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