you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
