U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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