i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
