Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
