I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
