We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
