i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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