So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
