I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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