I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
