How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize