last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i believe in u and ur pee
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