How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
