he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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