if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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