he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
