After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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