I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
