So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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