It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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