For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
