If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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