I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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