All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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