Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize