I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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