All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
