I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
