peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
