Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm passing your future prison.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
