1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
