i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my phone needs a breathalizer
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
