We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
