But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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