dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
