I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
