I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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