He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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