i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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