you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
