You can't motorboat a personality
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
