pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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