two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
