weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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