Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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